It’s time for a change. I’m not sure what yet…but changes are necessary.

I have already begun the process…cleaned out some Facebook connections. I take the term “social application” literally, I figure if I have not been ‘social’ with someone, why have a connection on Facebook? I’ve heard some people that I’m “friends” with say; “Oh, I don’t even look at my Facebook anymore.” Ok…”delete.” No grumpy feelings on my part at all…just housecleaning. I’ve deleted names on my chat lists too because I never chat with those individuals. I’ve heard a lot of people say, “oh, I’m online, just hidden…” So why be online? Are you stalking your friends? “Delete.”

I’m noticing people becoming angry and hurt that I have ‘un-friended’, or ‘de-chatted’… It’s Facebook people…it’s google chat everyone…I’m still here, feeling friendly, open to hanging out. I just can’t do these ‘social applications’ any longer.

That being said, I AM still connected to long-distance associates…and the business (Kewish Designs) will still have an internet presence.

I feel like going retro. Maybe I’ll make a stand against all currently established social applications.

Phones are to use to set up face time with others.

If I feel like writing you a letter, I will write it down, put it in an envelope, purchase a stamp and mail it to you.

The irony is…I do have friends where emails are the easiest way to communicate. We’ve got a good thing going so I’m not going to eliminate that from my life. Also, I really like having a blog. So this stays…although this look is going to change too…or I’ll just put all my time and energy over on the Kewish Designs site…

It’s all good…and I’ll figure it out!

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Feeling a bit adrift.

I do not have my usual harbors…

where I can anchor myself and rest.

 

Jamie Ridler’s Wishcasting Wednesday has arrived. She asks: What do you wish to embrace?

I wish to embrace Opportunity.

Not just opening the door when Opportunity knocks

but to fling the door wide open

and take Opportunity in my arms

and say, “Let’s run with this.”

A friend said something to me…

Twenty-six years ago another friend said the same thing to me…

Almost word for word…

Almost the same circumstance…

I have been doing some very deep thinking about how I haven’t changed at all with regards to this…

Twenty-six years and no change.

Many other things have changed, been accomplished, worked through and traveled upon….but this one thing may actually be the most important thing that has not evolved.

I do not feel good about this. Although, I deeply appreciate the recent conversation where this realization came about.

The thing that hasn’t changed? Me speaking freely and with honesty. Being true without filters…

Jamie Ridler…wow…for Wishcasting Wednesday she asks:

What do you wish to dare?

My first thought was that game of “Truth or Dare”….

“Dare.”

“mmmmmm….okay…I DARE you to kiss Tony.”

And thus my first kiss happened. ON A DARE!! No magical romantic teen moment…a DARE.

ok…that memory has passed.

I look at the question again and see, WHAT do you wish to dare? WHAT about me do I dare…and dare to do what? Dare comes from the Greek word tharsos, which means courage. What part of me needs some extra courage…to be dared to come out?

I wish to dare to let go of second-guessing myself. I dare myself to go more with that first gut instinct. Whatever it may be.

“I think I’ll call my friend to go out to dinner…no….she may be busy.”

“I think I’ll do a 15 minute power walk during my break…no…I’d rather get another cup of coffee.”

“I think I’ll buy this sexy gorgeous dress….no…I can buy 10 t-shirts for the same price…”

I dare myself to start power walking during breaks and wear that sexy gorgeous dress when I go out to dinner with my friend.

I wish to dare to act on my gut instincts…

grandma eleanor

Grandma Eleanor

RIP Grandma Eleanor.

Jackson Rancheria will never be the same without you.

The warrior’s path “is demanding and calls for its travelers to reorganize their actions, thoughts, feelings, and perceptions in ways that will make them different from most of the people around them.” (The Craft of the Warrior, Robert L. Spencer).

I love the idea of  reorganizing my actions. What do I need to reorganize?

I need to reorganize what I eat at meals.

I need to reorganize how I use my time.

I need to reorganize some of my priorities (exercise instead of surfing the web…sit at workbench instead of wandering around the mall).

How will some of this reorganization make me different from others?

I could spout off some answers…but those answers would be based on former thoughts, feelings and perceptions. I’m realizing I need to just work on the actions…and see how it goes.

I have an intense interest in anything warrior. Samurai…Native American warriors….the hero’s quest…Joseph Campbell’s thoughts on the subject…Paulo Coehlo.

About a year ago I did a search on ‘warrior’ and one of the hits was a booked entitled  “The Craft of the Warrior” by Robert L. Spencer.

I read the excerpts and was hooked…ordered the book.

In the Introduction, the author says:

 

The quest for personal power is a quest for evolution,

not for domination.

It is a quest designed to bring you face to face with your magnificence.

And on that note. I was captivated.

This book is well loved. I have passages underlined and highlighted and circled … with many handwritten notes in the margins. I am about to begin another round of reading and contemplating.

At some point tonight I was reading someone’s thoughts…and another and another….all talking about the dark night of the soul.  In the middle of whipping up examples of my own dark nights – I thought; “Why do we not ever explore the bright day of our being?”

The concept of the dark night of the soul is from a poem written by a Carmelite priest. So, one person’s experience with his belief in his god has touched on generations of mystics.

Well…

I have bought into this concept. And it really has not added to my life.

One of the things about living the life of a warrior is to make discoveries. Great discoveries are made by stepping out over the line and going beyond boundaries. So, I’m wondering about the night/day boundary. It is time to let go of the dark night and wander around a bit in the daylight.

You will discover barriers to manifesting this magnificence,

and you will find that you need to change your mind.

These are not limitations.

They are problems you can solve.

(Robert L. Spencer)

I have been going through a lot changes…self-induced (business), handed to me (my work life) and things I NEED to make changes on… I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and have been allowing myself to go to dark places inside my head. Then, today, I read the following blog. And loved it. At the end he says to post it…spread it around.

And so I am.

“Rock Your Day”

(I LOVE this blog!)

I have done some amazing things in my life. I have spent time with amazing people. I married an amazing man. I have amazing friends (hm…not many, but the ones I have are amazing…). So many amazing things that I am amazed with…

The one thing I wish to experience…is how amazing I am…without freezing with the big “OH NO…I can’t possibly be TOO amazing…” You know when that happens…that voice inside that believes it is ever so important to keep you just a little bit not quite there. Those phantom hands that can hold you back with insidious gentleness. You can come up with all kinds of excuses that seem to make perfect sense…

So,

I would like to experience my amazing-ness without retreating…

I would like to experience my amazing power without scuttling away in fear…

I would like to experience the amazing me that others tell me about…and not back out with, “oh no…I am not really THAT…”

I wish to experience…the true, authentic me….without any retreating, scuttling, or backing out…

(these thoughts were inspired by Jamie Ridler’s Wishcasting Wednesday post)