My last post brought up a point of taking personal responsibility for the choices one makes. I think there is some mileage BEHIND that thought to cover.

The first question to face is: Do I really want to get better?

Really. I have to do some deep thinking about that. I know I get a lot of pay-offs for not being quite at my game. Having people respond with sympathy to “my story” gets me a lot of attention and mileage. Sometimes I get MORE attention by sharing a dark and dreary story than by being a beacon of light.

Sometimes people act adversely to beacons of light. I have seen the looks on their faces… “oh sure…you are wonderful AGAIN…” (oops…there’s a “story”…)

Here’s another “story”… me in first grade…I was the only one to get a perfect score on a test…teacher takes me aside and tells me; “don’t tell any of the other children you got everything right…they will tease you…so be quiet about this…”

OK, so at a very young age it began for me. The conditioning to not be SO MUCH and to BE QUIET. What do you do when you can’t be SO MUCH…or TOO MUCH? You begin to create a story.

I am a quiet person because I WAS TOLD TO BE QUIET so that I wouldn’t get teased. The personal mythology begins.

That is just one example. We all have our examples. We perpetuate our stories by doing things to keep us wandering around in the same chapter.

So, me, a quiet person since first grade takes a voice class for acting. The teacher recognizes something in me…has me jump up, and as I land, to say my lines. Out of my mouth comes this deep resonating voice. And it’s LOUD. There is ENERGY in this voice…it is MY voice. The truth of me is that I have a voice, it is loud and I have things to say.

My first grade teacher…let’s not worry about her. It’s the past. I put down that luggage. Let go of that story…

The thing is…what is amazing about all of us…is our uniqueness. But we really are not unique if we all tell the same story.

The same Aches and Pains story. The same I Shouldn’t Eat This Donut But I’m Going To Anyway story. We tell these stories (and others) and spin and spin in one spot.

Sometimes we don’t want to get better because we really don’t know what a “better” story is!! Our books and pages are well-worn and familiar. We really don’t WANT to get better because

WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE WOULD HAVE TO TALK ABOUT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO WE WOULD BE……………and that scares the crap out of us.

So, the next time you embark on a plan of self-improvement (be it mental, physical, spiritual), first ask your self:

Do I REALLY want to get better?

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