Nothing like being ready to go…and to be felled by some bug/virus/yuck whatever. I guess I need to “rest” – so I stayed home from work…but I’m not really resting as I’m wondering why the three people I called in sick to have not responded in any way (hello? is anyone out there?) AND I’m trying to decide if I’m up for going to class tonight.

Class is ten hours away.

I do that. Overthink and overponder…which eats up a lot of time when I could be actually DOING something. I argue that I AM doing something… I’m “thinking” afterall.  While I’m using my brain for internal imagery – I don’t think I’m actually thinking (huh?). I’m creating scenarios and wondering if I can live within that scenario.

(Later) Did not go to class. Coughing and sputtering is not condusive to making new friends or impressing a teacher.

So

I’m sitting here trying to be ok with just “resting”.  I find that during this “resting” time my mind wanders to all kinds of fantastical reveries that really have nothing to do with my current reality. Incredible dramatic moments with people I don’t even know, fights with friends, philosphical conversations where I am just the All-Knowing.  What a bunch of crap. Makes me laugh. Yet, I do it. Why?

Perhaps all the years growing up, being alone in my room and really having nothing to do but make shit up in my head. Ok, maybe that served a purpose, but that time is long gone. So what to do with the deep grooves of my brain that create these pretend worlds.

Maybe its a brain geared and ready for writing, designing, building and working on things that can actually come into the world and exist.  Also, mother isn’t looming over me telling me that I can’t have friends. So, sometimes, when healthy, maybe I should start a round of phone calls to see who is available to just go out and play. So difficult for me to do, but necessary.

There is some discovery in all of this…a benefit for staying home sick.

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